Online Romance
The topic of online romances is in itself is both stupid, fantastic and fascinating. Apparently one in every eight couples meets online and they are happy. In my teenage years I met a lot of people online. And not in that creepy “Hi, ASL? What you wearing?” kind-a-way. But in that meeting of minds. I had a string of romances which started online. Sure they were all brief. But I was a teenager, had hormones and insecurities plaguing me. These are my excuses and I’m sticking to to them!
If we take a moment to break down online romances I believe they make almost a bit more sense than meeting people face to face. Let’s see quickly:
Pros
- No awkward face to face rejection
- It is a meeting of minds more than physical attraction
- Meeting of minds is often more meaningful than just pure physical attraction
Cons
- People can put on facades a lot easier
- People get involved in your love life if you meet in community based media (e.g. IRC or its modern day equivilant: Twitter)
- Bonds develop a bit stronger when you are physically with the person
- The hot 18 year old picture is really some fat creepy 47 year old guy with croocked teeth *shudder*
In my (vast!) experience through the years the pro’s have managed to outweigh the cons. I believe this is all purely because I was an early adopter and the perverts hadn’t made it online yet. Thank goodness.
For me there are laws that you need to follow if you are going to have a successful online romance. In fact, most of these apply to the real world too.
Firstly:
Do not fight on public forums.
Secondly:
Your sex life should remain out of the public domain. No matter how good you or your significant other think it is.
Thirdly:
Make it real. Be with each other in person.
Fourth:
Be honest with each other about who you are.
Fifth:
Set up expectations upfront.
Sixth:
Distance. It is a bitch. Don’t do it if you don’t want your heart broken and your wallet devoid of purpose.
Speaking of long distance relationships. This is mostly what online romances are. Be it self imposed, or just cause you connected with that individual across the country/ocean/planet. I will admit I’ve been this stupid. It filled a deep seeded need in me to feel a connection with someone, yet remain free to do what I want to do.
Here some arb stats that I found on long distance relationships:
Average distance apart: 200km
Avaerge visits: 1.5 times per month
Average number of calls: 1 every 2.75 days
Avergae length of phone calls: 30 minutes
Average letters written (letters, not emails): 3 per month
Average time before they can be closer together: 14 months
Average success: 1 out of 10 relationships of this nature end up together and married
My advice on this topic. Use the interwebs as a means to communicate when you have to, but don’t have your relationship online unless it is a long distance relationship. Before you get into the long distance relationship, think about see the person only once every 3 weeks a phone call every 3 days that last 30 minutes and 3 letters per month. And doing that for a little over a year. It sounds to me like the relationship I have with my grandmother in Cape Town.
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I once did the online thing. It broke my heart. But it’s also pretty scary how fast I fell in love with his mind…
I wouldn’t do it again though.
What a bastard.
I met my now fiance on-line. It felt like 4 months of 1st dates (loved the butterflies & adrenaline rushes that came with the conversations) it was awesome because I knew we were only a 20 minute drive apart!
Great article! Geoff and I actually met and got interested in each other online – IRC to be exact, way back when. Luckily for us, we both turned out to be who we said we were and met in real life a month later and fell in love. Unless you meet the person in real life, I don’t think it’s worth it…one just never knows.